Keep On Dreaming
“The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles.” - Psalm 34:17
My heart is weary. And I mean weary in various ways on multiple levels. These last few months, my heart has carried more grief and heartache than I was prepared to handle.
My checks are gone before they hit my account, and it’s never enough. My body has continued to fight an invisible disease until a recent test result pointed towards a cause. Purpose is harder to stay rooted in when the foundation you have built on is being destroyed by those who choose to be evil and those who silently grant it access into their spaces out of compliance. Connection and companionship seem like a competition because everyone is out to get theirs, and no one is looking to share and build together.
My heart aches. It breaks. It slowly gives up believing that such an unspeakable joy can be a reality. It weeps because I’ve come to know the same heartache that killed my ancestors. It panics for my niece and future generations, wondering if this generational trauma can be avoided at all in this world.
This morning, I woke up with one finger hanging onto the rope, as my hopes, my love, my courage, my faith, my dreams all dangled below. And I asked what’s the point if nothing will ever change?
”In our ancestors’ greatest dreams, families were reunited. Justice was served. Black folks were safe. Joy was abundant. We aren’t yet living in the world they imagined for us. But we are closer because of their imagining. And we draw it closer still by taking the time to dream it.” - Tea, Grandma Baby Apothecary
Today, through meditation and tears, I realized that dreaming isn’t just something for the future; it’s also for the present. I sat with the quote above and heard my grandmother tell me that although she had a broken heart, she had to dream for better for her children. Her dream kept her in it when nothing else could. I thought of my ancestors who never knew safety but kept dreaming of it because if they hadn’t, what purpose would they find in holding on? I think of my own heart, who is familiar with way more sorrow than joy, but the dream of happiness and love made me try another day when, otherwise, I prayed for my time in this world to end. I think of my niece. Only seven months old. Unaware of the world she lives in, the dreams she will dream, the love and the joy she already knows. I think about how my dreams will help to sustain her dreams.
And then I remember why I must continue to dream. Why I must continue to hope. Why I must continue to love. Why I must continue to believe in the faith of my ancestors and the dreams of their hearts.
Dreaming is more than just looking to the future for something better, something amazing. Dreaming is a reminder to live each day, through the heartache, through the weariness, through the unknown.
Dreaming kept my ancestors alive so that I could be here today, and dreaming will ensure that my niece and every child that comes after her will know a love and faith stronger than mine.
Lastly, dreaming is a gift to oneself. It is a generational balm for my heartache. A comforting hug to my fears. Reassurance to my tears.
Dreaming is my birthright. I refuse to let this world tell me otherwise and take it away from me.
So to the weary, aching, tired, angry, frustrated heart just trying to make it. Keep on dreaming. Dream when society tells you not to. Dream when your hope grows weak, and your courage is low.
Dream. Because a dream got you here today, and a dream is your faith carrying you into tomorrow.
Keep. On. Dreaming.
