Growth Pains
As my 38th birthday approaches, I sit at an intersection, a crossroads of many energies drawing my attention to the things within me that are invited to shift during this time of transition.
Astrological phenomena, which I believe are aligned at the hands of the divine, invite me to reflect on where I’ve been and where I’m going.
My new job in a faith community has aligned me with coworkers who invite me to ask myself why I am afraid of becoming more? Becoming who I’m meant to be.
Even therapy has me asking myself, what’s the deal? Why are you doubting yourself and your path when you’ve finally landed on soil that feels rich?
Growth Pains
I want to be clear: the pain is not negative. No, the pain is to be expected, a sign of evolution. It’s simply the grief of my being trying to adjust to what no longer can remain the same.
I know grief is a complex thing for many, yet I find it to be an empathetic companion as I ask myself why I am so afraid to grow.
My pain is similar to my niece's as her teeth continue to grow in. It’s incredibly uncomfortable, but being able to bite off a little more to chew is so rewarding. I haven’t started biting yet, but I’m realizing that the future me I can see a glimpse of is so worth it if I let myself grow.
“God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.” - Corinthians 14:33
The confusion tugging at my pain is my fear of the unknown. I know who I am, who I’ve been. I know what I have survived. I know how I have succeeded.
If I’m being honest, I’ve been outgrowing my cocoon for a while, but I’m reluctant to leave because I fought hard to build it. I’ve fought through physical and mental battles that changed the way I look, walk, and talk. I’ve utilized various modalities to help me find healing and a healthier lifestyle. I’ve found community that’s real, loving, and present. I look at all the things I’ve obtained and fought for, and I find myself terrified of leaving the familiarity of those experiences.
Growth Pains
I’m realizing I have to surrender my comfort of what I know, so I can embark on a new path of where and how I must grow.
I don’t know how much more I’ll have to fight. I don’t know how much and what I have to leave behind. I can’t see fully who I’m becoming.
I do know that similar to my niece, these growth pains are becoming stronger the more I resist them. My confusion is becoming self-inflicted because I know in my heart what I must do.
I must grow. I must step into the unknown once again. But the one blessing I get to take with me is myself. With myself I bring my faith, my wisdom, my community, and my ancestors.
God is removing all confusion by showing me who she is and who she will continue to be. Now I need to believe and trust that it is enough.
I’m still afraid and hesitant, but like I tell others, “Do the hard things, do things scared. That’s courage.”
So I pray for everyone pushing through some serious growth pains right now. May we be blessed with the courage to evolve. May we embrace the prophecy of growth pains, a journey made for me and you.
